Alice, I’m so, so sorry to hear about your friend’s accident. My heart goes out to you and her family and friends. I have not lost a climbing friend this way, but I and my friends have had some of our own near-misses that really shook us, and one of my friends saw a man die after falling off a climb. I am sure you are right that your friend wouldn’t want you to stop climbing. I don’t know that there’s much good advice to give. The only thing that really lessens the grief and shock is time and more experience on rock. I think all you can really do is keep getting out there, keep learning how to keep yourself and your partners safe (ask lots of questions, watch youtube videos on safety, read the forums on Mountain Project, take a class, etc), and don’t push yourself too hard or too fast to the place where you start to panic. You can always back off if things get too intense. Good luck to you! I hope your trip is healing, and again I am so sorry about your friend.